"The eyes are the windows of the head."

December 17, 2016

2016: The Shitty Year Ends on a Shitty Note!

Well, not with me, personally. I'm going to do my best to help you almost forget the disaster that has befallen our nation. Good luck with that.

There are gigs aplenty this month. You can find them here. Bring your friends and your partners but don't bring children or dogs or they'll be cussing in ways your mother-in-law will not appreciate. Nobody likes a potty-mouthed dog.

Thanks. 2017 may very well suck, too. At least there will be the monthly Lean Over shows at the West End Lounge to look forward to. I'll post them on the gig page.

That's all for now.

Almost. I had some new things published this year. Here are two from The Week, if you feel like reading about my asshole dog, Otis.

Death and the Damn Dog

The Dog of Magical Thinking

Also, this was published on scarymommy.com, but they took it down, which I'm glad about because that site makes me want to pull my hair out. Anyway, the great Victoria Rowan popped it up on her Ideasmythe site, which makes me want to fluff my hair.

I Was Thinking About Going to a Kegger

Now I'm really done. I don't believe in God but I will say Godspeed because I like the way it sounds. And we'll need all the help we can get.

December 14, 2015

Gigs of 2015 and some in 2016, Unite!

Okay, so you already missed an awesome gig with NYSolo 6 on December 7th. What are you going to do? Here are some other gigs you could come to. They are all awesome in their way and they all require that you leave your children at home. Or don't, but then don't blame me when they turn out to be foul-mouthed atheists. There, I said it. I feel better now.

Monday, December 14, Dixon Place, NY NY
161A Chrystie Street, 7:30, FREE! A great holiday gig with host Nancy Giles and her crew of Mosquito regulars. Just show up.

Thursday, December 24, Christmas Eve Club Passim, Cambridge, MA
617) 492-7679, $18 advance, $20 day of show , 6PM & 8:30PM, 47 Palmer St. (Harvard Square)
I'm the super special guest of the great Sean Altman of Jewmongous and the insanely talented Mike Hunter for our annual two show blowout at the best club in town.

Saturday, December 26, The Cutting Room NYC
(212) 691-1900, $20 advance, $25 day of show , 6pm doors for 7PM show, 44 E 32nd Street. With Sean and Mike. Our New York Show. Perfect for the post-Christmas blahs and Jews who got cruddy Hanukah shit.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016 Dixon Place, NYC
The band and I will be playing LIVE to my newest video, We Were the Donner Party at the Iron Mule Short Film Night at Dixon Place, 161A Chrystie Street, NYC. Iron Mule shows the best comedy shorts in town. If I may say, and I may.

Saturday, January 9, 2016Folk'n Great Music Series, Rockville, MD
8 PM. Sean and Mike again. Details, oh, NEXT YEAR!

In the meantime, please watch my video Merry F**king Christmas to You, based on my award winning song, Merry Fucking Christmas to You.

May 14, 2015



My newest music video entitled WE WERE THE DONNER PARTY has debuted at number twenty trillion, three million and sixteen on YouTube!

We Were the Donner Party is the story (set to music but not a musical, per se) of ninety pioneers who became stranded in the Sierra Nevada Mountains during the winter of 1846. I don't know if any of you recall that winter, but it was a motherfucker.

I'd like to thank Chris Carlone for his beautiful video and editing work, Jon Spurney for his peerless music production skills, Mike Hunter for his haunting violin solos, and my band, The Cynthia Kaplan Ordeal for the wonderful song, which I wrote.

I'd also like to thank the cast, who worked under less than optimal conditions without complaint and for little or no pay, and myself, Cynthia Kaplan, for writing, directing and producing this important historical tribute, set to music, as it were.

Watch it HERE.

IN OTHER NEWS, we still have the dog. I wrote a piece for The Mid about how it's going. Read it HERE.

ALSO, I wrote another piece for The Mid about the time I was thinking about crashing a kegger. Recently. Read it HERE.